The Great Divorce: Moving On Emotionally When You’ve Been Laid Off
Divorce is a tough thing to go through. For some people, the emotional toll of breaking up with a company or a job can be nearly as devastating as a break up with a spouse or other close relationship.
I have coached several clients over the past couple of months who are experiencing this very challenge. They have been laid off, downsized, or otherwise let go. It can be hard for folks experiencing this for a few reasons:
· You didn’t choose it – People by nature like to be in control of their destinies. Perhaps your company blind-sided you. You felt as those that rug was swept right out from under you. If you had it your way, you would have coasted along in that job or at that company until retirement.
· You loved the company – You wore the branded swag, you were proud to say you worked there, you were happy to be a part of the events, the culture. You were the company and the company was you. Until it wasn’t, so unexpectedly.
· You grew up there – Your career growth and success is tied directly to this place where you invested 10, 15, 20 or more years. Your milestones and career advancement all occurred there.
· Your friends and colleagues are still there – But they aren’t calling anymore. They’re there and you’re not. Like a real divorce, those shared friends and contacts aren’t on “your side” anymore. Will they still want to help you?
How do you move on, emotionally, given these challenges? It isn’t always easy. Here are my recommendations for moving on after this tough breakup.
· Objectively assess the company – Remove the rose-colored glasses. Spend some time contemplating the good, the bad and the ugly about the organization and the people - even those that you respected. Beginning to see each person, individually, and the company as a whole, as imperfect (perhaps great in many ways, but flawed too), is a good step. The folks you’ve put on a pedestal are human just like you are. Companies are made up of people. It is not possible that the company is without flaws.
· Objectively assess yourself – When you tie your identity to closely to an organization and this break-up occurs, it is natural to question your own value, contributions and successes. You ask yourself quietly, “who am I if I’m not an employee there anymore?” I have news for you: You are valuable in your own right, because of your talents and contributions. Not because you worked there. Lean into identifying your talents, skills and abilities that are yours alone.
· Spend time with your Fan Club – To help you in identifying those talents, skills and abilities, figure out who “has your back” and will support you as you move forward. This may be former employees of your former employer who left years before you did. It may be people who you partnered with in some way who remember your skills. The key is to find the genuine, actually supportive people. Find them and invest in creating and deepening those relationships.
· Avoid the energy vampires – As you’re finding those who will support and encourage you in your next steps, without question you’ll also find those who will not. Once you know someone isn’t supportive or helpful, make a mental note and avoid seeking their counsel or support. Perhaps that relationship is one for later, once you’re feeling fully yourself again. Perhaps you can help them in some way. But not now, given this challenge you’re in.
Like a real break up, the emotional toll of being divorced from a job you love is tough. To get back on your feet and your best self as quickly as possible, follow these steps.
If I can help you in your journey, please reach out to me. I’d love to be a part of your Fan Club, supporting you and encouraging you toward your next chapter. 😊